it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Welp...herpes.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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