Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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