so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
