Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
