if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
