I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize