Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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