I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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