well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
