pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
