So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
