i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
