Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
