just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
not ubering you a puppy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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