Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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