so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
