So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
