Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This is the high leading the old right now
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
