So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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