Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize