Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
