he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
