; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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