I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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