Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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