Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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