I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she peed on how many people?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How naked do you want me to be?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
