I'm going to jail i love you
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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