Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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