Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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