Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
