Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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