I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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