I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
