That's when you crack a 10am beer
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
