If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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