hell yes lets make some ravioli
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
