so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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