I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
