i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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