he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Text me some of your sweat
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize