i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Who died my cat blue again?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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