I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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