Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
