I murdered the dance floor call the cops
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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