you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
