just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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