Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
