I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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