your parents love me but you hate me
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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