I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
