do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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