I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
