I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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