if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
