somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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