I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
