can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
