he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
