So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
