my mouth tastes like poor choices
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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