That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
