Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
