I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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