Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
