your thong is hanging out like whoa
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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