No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She even gives head with a lisp.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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