Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
