She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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