I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
