the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
